1. 12

What are you doing this week? Feel free to share!

Keep in mind it’s OK to do nothing at all, too.

  1. 37

    This one isn’t really a “this week”, though there will be plenty to do every week for a while, but…

    I’M GONNA BE A NEW FATHER!!

    Finally hit the 12-week mark and told friends/family the news, and my wife and I are absolutely ecstatic still about it. Due date is in August. So much to buy, so much to prepare, so much to learn!

    1. 8

      First of all, congrats!

      So much to buy,

      My advice, if you want it, is holding back on buying too many things. Buy the minimum and adjust. In the first weeks/month children really do not need that much stuff. They need their parents and care. They do not need all these “OMG you need all these things” on baby lists. With online ordering you can always get something quickly, if you see a need for it. We def. bought things we never needed or could get by without them easily. Less is more!

      1. 2

        Yes this. The stuff can take on an oppressive weight of its own.

        1. 1

          Fantastic advice thank you! Are there any things you can think of that are the “must buy” things right away? Don’t assume anything is “too obvious” to suggest please!

          1. 3

            Diapers+wipes. Your child will either need (from my local sizing guide) “n” or “1”. Don’t overbuy the “n” but have the “1” available.

            Infant clothes.

            Onezies.

            “Burp cloths” (though any fabric that can be washed regularly as well as thrown over your shoulder will do)

            Any soft place to put down a child on the floor. (any towel or rug or carpet or possibly even hardwood will do this job.) They can roll, accidentally, long before they can intentionally roll.

            That’s it. Oh, and if you will be driving back from the place of birth, you will need an infant car seat.

            1. 6

              One secret is that you very very very badly need onesies with zippers or snaps, not buttons. The people who put buttons on infant clothes are sadists.

              1. 3

                There needs to be an ISO on the number and placement of onezie snaps because every single one puts them in different places and it’s impossible to keep straight.

              2. 4

                I would add a sleeping bag - for babies, not for camping (better 2 so you can wash/dry one) and a heat lamp for changing diapers/clothes.

                You def. do not need any sort of toy, plush animals, books, fully furnished children room or any of that stuff. That will all come a lot later. Remember the first 3 months your child is basically doing its fourth trimester, just outside the body of its mother.

                1. 1

                  Hospitals give you diapers and blankets, so there’s no point in buying those now. Definitely do stock up on baby blankets when you’re in the hospital though. You’re paying for them!

                  1. 1

                    Not if you don’t give birth in a hospital. Home births, birthing centers, and hospitals, are all valid choices people make eyes wide open to the risks and rewards of each approach.

                    1. 1

                      That depends on your country/city/hospital etc. We did not get any take-home blankets or diapers from the hospital, but that may have been due to the pandemic. Not sure.

                      1. 1

                        We had a pandemic baby and took home a bunch of blankets again. They don’t give you the blankets; you just take them when you leave because, again, you’re totally paying for them.

                        1. 1

                          In your country. In my country I am not paying the hospital one cent out of my own pocket. It is all covered by public health insurance.

                          1. 1

                            It’s nice that you live in a civilized country, but you’re still paying for it, just on tax day. Anyway this is not worth arguing about. Either the hospital has a bunch of extra blankets or they don’t.

                2. 1

                  Yeah, we were given so many hand-me-downs I don’t think we have actually bought any clothes for our kids ourselves still, three years later. We did have to break down and buy some shoes though, alas.

                3. 4

                  Congrats! It’s off topic for this forum, but I think we are really living in the golden age of parenting. Really, congrats!

                  1. 1

                    Why a golden age of parenting?

                    1. 7

                      In the past we’ve seen two extremes of “parenting” (this pseudo science to describe being responsible for little people). One extreme is Control, where you make kids do things and they will do it. The other is “Whatever kids do, they do.” We now are re-learning the lessons of time immemorial that children are little people.

                      These lessons have become mainstreamed in recent years, making this the golden age of parenting.

                      Show them empathy. Be the responsible one, setting bounds. Prune negative behavior, cultivate positive behavior, but don’t pretend you can declare what positive or negative behavior a child will or will not exhibit. State things the child can accomplish (You did a good job putting that puzzle together) rather than the things a child can’t change (You finished the puzzle? You are so smart!) Let children help. They will want to unless you stop them (You brought me a dozen eggs? Thank you! as opposed to Stop! Put down the eggs!) Let children play. Danger of mild bodily harm during play is good for children over time, even if occasionally individual children will need stitches or casts.

                      These “respectful” styles of parenting that also don’t allow children to run roughshod over all the adults in their lives are out there. Parenting is no longer about self sacrifice or discipline above all else, but about building real relationships with little people that survive while those little people become bigger. (and of course real relationships involve sacrifice)

                      Not everybody subscribes to a single worldview. But this worldview is available, with support groups for those who want them. A golden age.

                      1. 2

                        I presume because it was never easier to work from home and spend time with your children.

                        1. 3

                          if you are in tech…

                          1. 1

                            As the majority of people on here are, I think :)

                          2. 2

                            Not quite :) explanation

                            1. 2

                              ? You can’t watch a child and get any work done. (I guess if your job is doing social media. Paternity leave was a great time for Twitter for me.) People act like working from home makes child care easier, but all it means is you have a short commute so you can “get home” faster.

                              1. 2

                                People act like working from home makes child care easier, but all it means is you have a short commute so you can “get home” faster.

                                That is huge though. That means saving multiple hours each day for many people.

                                1. 2

                                  Oh yes, it’s definitely a plus, but it seems like there’s some common misconception I run into that you can somehow both watch a baby and do work, and that is just not possible for a job with any mental demands whatsoever.

                                  1. 1

                                    Though you could hold a child and type, if you had a one handed keyboard.

                        2. 1

                          Congratulations!

                          1. 1

                            Congrats!!

                            1. 1

                              Congrats!!

                              1. 1

                                Congratulations to your family!

                                1. 1

                                  Mazel tov!

                                  1. 1

                                    Congrats! If you’re not part of it, the /r/daddit community on Reddit is pretty nice, especially for those early “are they supposed to be this exhausting?” days :)

                                    1. 2

                                      I feel like you just sent me down the deepest rabbit hole of my life…😂

                                      1. 2

                                        The answer to that question is, of course, always an emphatic yes.

                                    2. 16

                                      It was my birthday yesterday, and we had a smallish (<20 people) party at my dorm on Saturday which was a ton of fun. It’s first time anyone has said “happy birthday Lily” which is a huge milestone for me. I recently got a probate court order for my name change, which is another huge milestone. Once I get my therapist’s note I can ship off my documents to get a new birth certificate. After that it’s getting a new social security card and then finally a new state ID card. It took me a ton of research last year to figure all this stuff out, and I’m glad I did. Next week is my 1 year on hormones :)

                                      I have an exam at noon today for Numerical Computing: floating point numbers, solving function zeros and solving linear systems. It’s been a really interesting class so far, and I feel smarter at the end of every lecture. I think I got this!

                                      I also have to call the pharmacy today because when does our health care system ever “just work” lol?

                                      This week is pretty light, with a bit of work for Principles of Software but otherwise not much else… lectures, dining hall food, frisbee, weather that can’t make up its mind. This semester is going really well so far. I’m aiming for the 4.0, let’s see how it goes :P

                                      Update: exam went really well, I think I crushed it!!

                                      1. 3

                                        No idea if this an appropriate question, but I am curious, as a person that has never worried about my body in that manner, how is it to live live before you figure out what is wrong, and how is it after?

                                        1. 5

                                          I had a whole essay I wrote in response to your question, but I accidentally closed the tab right before I was about to send it and lost it forever to the ether. Now I’m typing in an actual editor that can save (lesson learned 😉). I apologize if this version seems more rushed or lower quality. For context I’m a trans women, I just celebrated my 20th birthday last weekend and I started hrt just after my 19th.

                                          Living before transitioning is borderline impossible. If you have friends or family coming out or hear about a celebrity coming out in the news, just know that they’re likely doing it out of desperation, having exhausting all possible other options. Repressing and living with constant shame and guilt is brutal, and people can only withstand so much stress. That was my lived experience at least.

                                          I knew I was trans since I was at least 13 years old. Before that, I really didn’t have a clue it was even an option. Popular culture and media has long used trans people’s existence as a punchline, which had contributed to a lot of the shame I had built up. I repressed (“I could never be trans” or “I will never be a real woman”) because the thought of transitioning was terrifying. My indecisiveness and lack of ability to assert my needs certainly didn’t help either. Basically, the years I spent in that state were unbearable. Also I was dealing with mental health issues at the time, much more serious than “the usual” combo of anxiety/depression. I stopped going to school for about three months from my severe anxiety. I was then put into a “therapeutic boarding school” for the last two years of high school. To put it bluntly, things were not going well.

                                          Fast forwarding past coming out to a small group of friends and my therapist in high school, taking the initiative to get myself hormones my second semester of college, coming out to my friends here and finally coming out to my family, my situation is leaps and bounds better. (If you didn’t know, coming out is not a one-off, grand crescendo, but a painful and endless ritual of defending your very existence, oftentimes to strangers.) My mental health problems are way more manageable now because I this massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’m doing really well studying for a computer science degree, and I’m finishing my fourth semester. I don’t constantly dread living as a man every day. I don’t fear growing older anymore. I don’t stay up laying in bed panicking about this stuff anymore. I have a large group of friends (which is cool and new given my introverted past) who all unconditionally support me. I’m more in tune with my emotions. I have tools and skills to help me get myself back on track whenever I feel anxious or stressed. I’m still working on this, but I’m starting to be able to reach out for help and assert my needs. It’s really amazing the boost of confidence I have received over the past year.

                                          It’s certainly not a free lunch, being trans is hard. My relationship with my mom has been deeply broken after her reaction to me coming out. I’ve had to deal with a school that will recognize preferred names in a haphazard and inconsistent way. (For example our ID cards must have our legal name, so I have to be careful when handling it to make sure it isn’t exposed.) There are other issues too in day to day life that I hope to fix once my legal name change is fully completed. I still haven’t done much voice training, so speaking to strangers or in public often comes with anxiety because it forces me out of the closet in a way. I’m only touching on the tip of the iceberg here, the takeaway is that it’s not easy, but vastly better than the alternative. If I didn’t transition I wouldn’t be anywhere close to where I’m at right now, let alone alive.

                                          I was pretty lucky in a lot of ways too, especially physically. I never had any chest hair or a beard, only a light mustache that I shave about once or twice a week that isn’t even noticeable. I’m not super tall (5’10”). My body accepted the hormones extremely well, and my levels are well within the average for cis women. My skin is super soft, and what little acne I had is long gone. My body fat redistributed a ton, away from my belly and into my thighs and butt. There are other physical, emotional and sexual changes brought on by the hormones too that have all been amazing. Things are at last starting to “click.”

                                          So yeah. It’s been a long, difficult road, but I can finally feel like my life is truly starting. Thank you if you managed to read this wall of word-salad all the way :)

                                          Oh also I just took a picture of my school ID (the photo was taken around summer 2020) and a picture of me taken last week, if anyone is curious 👀

                                          1. 2

                                            Wow, that does sound rough - but I’m glad you manage to get through it and find your path. And its good that the hormones are working than well!

                                            1. 2

                                              One thing I’m still a little curious on (and wondered if the long gone essay might have addressed) - why do trans women end up so much in CS? As a cis person, I have some guesses why (easy to retreat into when you’re depressed), but I don’t have the experience to know if that’s the case.

                                              That said, you look great! Congrats on finally achieving your own happiness.

                                              1. 1

                                                Yeah I’m not quite sure about it myself, but that’s not a bad theory. We joke that there’s something in the water in the CS department lol. One of our professors came out last year too, which was really cool to see (I still haven’t taken a class with her yet tho). There are trans people at my school of practically all majors (I think majors with <10 ppl are the only ones without any, and I could be wrong), but CS and related majors seemingly have more.

                                                Also thank you!! I feel more comfortable discussing and showing more personal things on this website compared to others. Maybe it’s the invite system that makes it seem more like a tighter community?

                                          2. 2

                                            Congrats on 1 year! Hopefully the rest of the paperwork goes smoothly!

                                            1. 1

                                              Thank you :) I hope so too, fingers crossed 🤞

                                          3. 7

                                            Working on interactive curve manipulation on my hobby font editor in gtk3 and Rust.

                                            https://github.com/epilys/gerb

                                            1. 7

                                              Starting a new $WORK today. Bringing flowers and chocolates to my Valentine. Working on my senior project for school.

                                              1. 6

                                                I’ve been working on making snmalloc a drop-in replacement for jemalloc in FreeBSD libc. Unfortunately, FreeBSD libc decided to expose all of the non-standard and experimental jemalloc APIs as part of the libc interface contract. I doubt any real-world code depends on them, but they’re now part of the ABI. This includes all of the *allocm functions that were gone from jemalloc 4 and which FreeBSD has to carry a local compat wrapper for.

                                                Last week, I added at least stub implementations of all of these to snmalloc. Some of these are designed to directly control implementation details of jemalloc and so really shouldn’t be part of a long-term stable libc contract. For example, you can request allocation from specific arenas or via explicit thread caches. These parameters are all ignored and you always get allocations from your own thread’s allocator instance.

                                                I’ve also pushed a branch that lets you select snmalloc instead of jemalloc as the default memory allocator. So far, it does well in testing. Initially this discovered that a load of stuff in the FreeBSD base system (including sort and all of the mandoc tools, rely on implementation-defined behaviour in realloc. A zero size argument to realloc is explicitly permitted to return a null pointer, but these tools treat that as failure and exit if it occurs).

                                                One of the fun things in snmalloc is that it’s very cheap to find the end of an allocation. This means that we can insert bounds checks on libc functions very cheaply and catch heap out-of-bounds reads in production. In the snmalloc repo we have a bounds-checked memcpy. For a while I was running a patch set that added this kind of check to a bunch of functions in FreeBSD 12 libc. This week I hope to re-do this work against 14-CURRENT, at which point I can start thinking about upstreaming it all.

                                                1. 5

                                                  Life and work is likely going to be governed by how my grandmother does in the hospital. I’m staying at her place with my mom for the time being, but I’m worried.

                                                  1. 4

                                                    I wrote up what my typical work week looks like as a tech lead of Norway’s biggest subscription newspaper.

                                                    For Derw, I’ve been working on a tool that will turn standard html into Derw syntax html.

                                                    1. 3

                                                      On Thursday am off to Norway’s national championship in 10m air pistol. Bit of a dread as it’s my first time at a high level competition.

                                                      At work up to then it’s filing a patent and setting up a network for customer-accessible simulator system.

                                                      1. 2

                                                        Trying to switch over an api written in golang from pseudo-rest style to graphql.

                                                        1. 2

                                                          using my 2 terms of community college japanese (and a dictionary) to translate a massive pile of comments for code that runs in a huge factory.

                                                          1. 2

                                                            Getting paid to work almost full time on open source software. Not copyleft, but still heaps better than any other job I’ve had on this dimension.

                                                            1. 2
                                                              • Making progress on adding tags to my GatsbyJS blog. They’re implemented and I have them displaying in a SUPER ugly way in my dev instance, but now I need those tags to link to a list of posts bearing that tag, and modify my post list page to be tag aware.
                                                              • Bringing myself up to date with recent Java developments using this channel I’d been stuck at J2SE 1.5 era so actually understanding generics and lambdas and the like has been good (We use a TON of it at Amazon). I find the simplicity and directness of his explanations refreshing.
                                                              1. 1

                                                                Learning Docker (finally? am I the las one). I’m reading Learn Docker in a Month of Lunches, and any tips or recommendations are welcome.

                                                                1. 2

                                                                  If you love poking around at random things… Here’s the easiest way to do it to docker images that somebody else built: https://github.com/wagoodman/dive

                                                                  1. 1

                                                                    Thanks for the tip.

                                                                  2. 2

                                                                    I found learning Docker much easier when I was actually trying to build and deploy something. Pick a project (preferably a popular well supported one) from https://www.linuxserver.io/ and deploy it, either on an old machine or in the cloud.

                                                                    You’ll learn a bunch about Docker getting it up and running, and then you get to play with a new open source project as a bonus :)

                                                                    (FWIW I personally find docker compose invaluable for this stuff. Not great for k8s or whatever but for small self hosting projects? Priceless.)

                                                                    1. 2

                                                                      Thanks for the suggestion. What finally pushed me to look into Docker was this sort of thing. I wanted to use percollate, but I didn’t want to install (deal with, think about…) node or npm. There are a couple of Docker images available (e.g., this one) but I couldn’t get them to work. So (yak shaver that I am), I figure I’ll learn Docker and get something working in the process.

                                                                      I’ll look into docker compose too.

                                                                      1. 2

                                                                        Cool! I was initially thinking your chances of finding a pre-packaged Docker container were slim since the project doesn’t list it as a supported install path, but in this Github issue I see someone built one!

                                                                        You may have to do some debugging, but just remember that a Dockerfile is ultimately nothing more than a shell script :)

                                                                        GHLF! Report back with how it goes :)

                                                                  3. 1

                                                                    I’m mulling over creating a mini / scheme / lisp like language built around a slightly different data structure…

                                                                    Lisp’s are based on CONS cells. In C terms it’s a struct with two void pointers.

                                                                    I’m contemplating wildly extrapolating from that and bumping that up to…. wooo woo, drum roll please, three void pointers.

                                                                    Why?

                                                                    Because the doubly linked “elephant at cairo” list is the most elegant data structure I have ever seen in decades in this industry.

                                                                    The code for it is sooo simple, append, prepend, scan forward, scan backwards, remove, insert all tiny tiny elegant and super efficient.

                                                                    Plus you don’t even need to know from which list when you tell a cons cell to remove itself.

                                                                    1. 1

                                                                      Work: I am on call again.

                                                                      Personal: My power just went out so I’ll be reading on my Kindle until it returns.

                                                                      1. 1

                                                                        Working on two code generation based Go projects: