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    “Don’t oil the door and evaluate the microphone input.”

    That’s some really out-of-the-box thinking right there. :)

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      Fix your credit card to the door and have it move through a card reader when the door opens. Check account balance through script.

      This is so 2016, here’s my 2018 take:

      • Fix your smart-card to the door, have it move though a USB port when the door opens. Check the blockchain though script.
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        Have a camera pointed at the door, use new machine learning hotness to decide if a person is approaching the door, and warn. Bonus if it also learns the state of the door (open, opening, closing, closed) via images…

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          “use new machine learning hotness to decide if a person is approaching the door”

          Old: a company In-Q-Tel funded did stuff like that. I recall brochure talking about potentially spotting people jumping over fences. Maybe it was 3VR. They kind of people they funded could probably have designed something better for this, though, given some of their stuff was tamper-resistant. ;)

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            cool! I hadn’t heard of 3VR before. I wasn’t trying to imply that machine learning was a new technique, only that it’s the new IT fad :) But mostly I was just trying to have fun with and continue in style with the OP’s list.

            • Hire a child (for ice cream) to watch the door for you, and push a key on the keyboard attached to an openBSD machine when they see someone @ the door.
            • Train a dog to watch the door and turn on an openBSD machine when the door opens.
            • Have a solar panel attached to the door that’s in darkness when the door is closed, but in light when open, have it power a small openBSD machine.

            That’s all I have in me for now :)