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Most of the responses are hilarious, here are some of my favorite highlights:

Here’s one in untyped lambda calculus. In principle it should work, though you’ll need to write a compiler for this dialect. Shouldn’t be too hard.

I like the other solutions, but they all require an operating system which is a bit of pain to install for something as simple as this.

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    My personal fav is the one where the author begins:

    "I like the other solutions, but they all require an operating system which 
     is a bit of pain to install for something as simple as this."
    

    I would like to try out the solution, but I fear I would brick my PC.

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      Run it in qemu :)

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        Use a Raspberry Pi Zero?

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          I gotta start playing with these things! They’re cheap too, right? I stopped playing when I “grew up”. I gotta get back into that. But, does a Raspberry Pi have a hard disk?

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            They run off a microSD card. I recommend grabbing one, they’re cheap and fun to play with.

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              Yup, the Zero is 5USD, which is why I recommended it. The other models are in the 25-35 USD price range. ;)

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        These sorts of thread end up too much circle-jerky for me. It’s a bunch of people trying to be ‘clever’ by answering a simple question with complicated answers in whatever ‘cool’ languages, then somebody does the ‘enterprise solution’.

        None of these is useful for the questioner. If the questioner was in bad faith, then he should be ignored. Otherwise he should be guided to a source for introductory programming material.

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          Gotta love all those esoteric languages! I didnt even know about lolcode, though I do prefer the classic brainfuck

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              <That’s the joke>