I’ve taught myself that it’s ok to be a dick or a douchebag, but only if I discard the message after I typed it without sending / submitting. You get the best of both that way. Although.. sometimes I guess I do struggle with whether it’s ok to be a dick to another dick, though if I read the manly memo correctly, these things are ok for civil measuring contests too every now and then.
That trick helped me too. I learned of it from a writer who said Abe Lincoln did it at least once for his most scathing letter. I never verified the claim.
I long ago learned that all my written communication requires heavy editing before I hit the send button. And in some cases I need a neutral party to proofread it. It’s not uncommon for a draft email to sit in my email without being sent for an hour or two.
Take a deep breath, swallow the irritation that is often my first response, and try to figure out another way of expressing myself that will lead to a better long-term outcome with less friction with my colleagues / bosses / end-users.
I take a long time to write emails for this very reason. And not just for coding projects.